Indecisiveness
by winterwood11
Summary: "Yeah Zabini, we all know how good you are… at posing." Ginny's first impression of Blaise was far less than desirable. But as time passed, those feelings of hatred started to diminish, causing Ginny to be confused over who she truly likes, and whether she should go with her head and make a safe choice, or with her instinct and take things as they come.


This is written for football in the 2012 Hogwarts Competition and the Honeydukes Competition. I hope you like this :)

* * *

Ginny Weasley sat next to Hermione, on her bed. It was late into the night, and the two should be sleeping. But, the circumstances caused the both of them to be quite sleepless, each deep in thought about their own matters.

Ginny sighed for about the nineteenth time that night, as she stared into space blankly.

"You can't go on like this," Hermione told her, placing her arm around Ginny's shoulders.

"That's easy for you to say," Ginny replied, with a tinge of bitterness in her voice. "You're going with him to who-knows-where to fight you-know-who. Me? I'll be stuck here without a clue of what you're doing."

"I-I'm sorry, but I really can't tell you," Hermione answered in a sheepish tone. "At least you can go to Hogwarts... I'll miss it there."

"Of course, I understand," Ginny said, albeit in a tone slightly bordering on sarcasm. "And I'll just sit around at Hogwarts waiting for Harry and you to defeat you-know-who and come back."

There was silence for a moment as Ginny pondered what she had just said. The thought of herself sitting around meekly waiting for someone to come back was not at all like herself. She would much rather be in the action, fighting together for... the future.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that," Ginny broke the silence, "It's just that, I'm quite frustrated. And I know it's really unreasonable and selfish for me to say this, but I wish Harry wasn't so _noble_ sometimes. He's willing to fight for the good of the wizarding world and all, but he's not fighting for _our_ relationship. He's just letting me go."

"I'm sure Harry means well, he just wants to keep you out of danger," Hermione told Ginny, absentmindedly twirling her hair.

"But I don't want to be kept out of the danger!" Ginny protested, her eyes flashing with irritation. "I know everyone means well, but I just want to be treated as an equal; not a younger sister who is to be protected all the time."

"Harry has a tendency of trying to protect everyone," Hermione said, "It's not just you."

"I guess," Ginny smiled wryly at that statement, "Harry's too good for me. I'm really selfish for just thinking of myself. I suppose he's right to break up with me. He should find someone else that suits him better."

"Don't say that!" Hermione replied, "You're not selfish! And Harry loves and wants _you, _not somebody else."

"That's the thing; I know that Harry would _never_ put his eye on anyone else when he's in love with someone. He would treasure that lucky person whole-heartedly," Ginny paused for a moment, "I, on the other hand, am not like that. To be truthful, even when I was with Harry, I had my eyes on other people. I simply couldn't be completely devoted to him. I loved Harry; I still do. But Harry deserves someone who is able to love him the way he does."

"I have to admit, Harry's love is really intense. I guess it's because he's never really had someone to love from young…" Hermione responded softly, without missing a beat, "But you're thinking for him now…"

Ginny gave a small smile at that. She was always thinking of people. "I guess I'll see," She said, "Right now... I think we should sleep."

Hermione nodded her agreement as she whispered, "Nox." The room instantly became dark as Ginny climbed back onto her own bed. But no, she couldn't sleep now. She had to think.

If only feelings could be more simple for her. Why was love so complicated? Perhaps her brothers were correct – maybe she was moving through boyfriends too fast. Next time, she would be more careful. She would make sure that she loved someone as much as they did her. Otherwise, it would be unfair to them, like it was to Harry. The whole time she had been with Dean and Michael, her mind had been subconsciously lingering on Harry. But now that she was with Harry… there was someone else.

Harry couldn't really have thought that she would be sitting there waiting for him to come back. It just wasn't like Ginny to do so. She felt horribly guilty just thinking about it. But there was no way to force her heart to love someone, was there? Ginny loved Harry, she thought she really did. But there was someone else who had also caught her heart. The love that she felt for Harry... She had always wondered if it was born out of hero worship, and not love. They were different, she knew that.

The image of a dark Italian with brown eyes appeared in her mind.

_Blaise Zabini gave a little cough when he heard what Slughorn said, clearly indicating his amused skeptism._

_Ginny turned to glare at him . That vain boy, did he really think he was better than Harry? He spent so much time on his appearance everyday; just like a girl. Ginny turned to look at Harry; he was paying attention to Slughorn, as if he hadn't heard Zabini. She couldn't just stand around doing nothing! Zabini simply couldn't get away thinking that he was the best. _

"_Yeah Zabini, we all know how good you are… at posing," Ginny burst out, with a jab in reference to his vanity. _

_She noticed that his eyebrows went up for a moment, as if he was surprised. In fact, he probably was. Those Slytherin boys thought that they were the lords of the world, and that every girl would fall at their feet swooning. Well, she would be happy to prove them wrong. _

"_You want to be careful, Blaise! I saw this young lady perform the most marvellous Bat-Bogey hex as I was passing her carriage! I wouldn't cross her!" Ginny heard the professor said, as she calmed herself down._

_Blaise's expression slid back to a contempuous look. "I'll manage," he said._

Ginny made a little noise of disapproval and looked out of the carriage window, ignoring the Slytherin. But as she did so, she noticed that he was still watching her.

That had been the first time Ginny had met Zabini face-to-face, and she hadn't been impressed. Ginny sighed as she tried to rid her mind of thoughts of Blaise Zabini, and concentrate on something else instead. Something like Bill's impending wedding to Fleur or… how Gabrielle had been eyeing up Harry. Ginny felt a jolt of indignance as she remembered how Gabrielle had battered her eyelashes at Harry. But then and again, it had just been indignance and not full-on jealously…

"_Weaslette," A familiar but unwelcome voice jolted her out of her thoughts. She wasn't in a good mood today with all the homework she had received and the presence of Zabini wasn't helping. Lately, she had began to run into him everywhere – which was slightly disturbing. She was sure that some weren't just coincidences. Each time, they would have a verbal spar; and Ginny was getting quite used to them. _

"_I have a name," Ginny responded icily._

"_Which is of no importance," Zabini replied, infuriating Ginny. "What's more important right now is the fact that you're sitting on my seat." _

_The two were currently in the library, having a… 'friendly' confrontation. _

"_I don't happen to see your name on the chair," Ginny retorted, "And what happened to being a gentleman? When since does a boy demand a girl to get off a chair?" _

"_When since has it been polite to take someone else's seat-of-default?" Zabini smirked as he sat himself down on the seat next to Ginny and started to pack her stuff into her bag. _

"_You're just making things up," Ginny protested as she whipped out her wand, earning a glare from Madam Pince. "Don't touch my things," she hissed. _

"_I can do better than that," Zabini replied arrogantly, winking as he lightly tousled Ginny's hair. "I like my women feisty."_

_Ginny gave an involuntary flinch as she felt his touch, and paused for a moment. Why did so many of their quarrels come to this? Well, Ginny was in the mood for some de-stressing; two could play at this game. "I, on the other hand, like my men to be proper, charming gentlemen who are good… in bed," She told him coyly. "And unfortunately, I don't think you make the cut."_

"_Contrary to what you think, I'm sure I fit the bill," Zabini responded with yet another smirk. "You, however… well it's a pity you're not up to my high standards of a kisser, are you?" _

"_It's just you that has been so unobservant," Ginny replied, starting to actually enjoy the amiable – by their standards – banter._

"_In that case," Zabini gave one of his charming smiles, "Why not demonstrate?"_

_Ginny didn't respond for a moment as she snapped her head upward to meet his gaze – one filled with a challenging look meant for her. Their banter had never gone that far. She hesitated for a moment. This was Zabini, after all._

"_You don't dare to, do you?" Zabini taunted. _

_That settled it. Ginny was a Gryffindor – she would be the laughing stock of the house if the news spread. At any rate, Ginny was never one to pass up a dare; even if it involved a Slytherin. _

_She smiled wickedly at the boy as she quickly stepped forward and pressed her lips against his astonished mouth, before she had a chance to second-guess her decision. She had meant it to be a quick split-second kiss, but apparently Zabini had different ideas. _

_She stood shocked as he returned the quick peck with great intensity. Ginny's eyes fluttered shut and her pulse quickened as he began to lick her lips at an excruciatingly slow speed – like exquisite torture. Her senses were suddenly overcome by his touch and scent, as he started to nibble on her bottom lip. Ginny stood too shocked to respond for a moment, but she quickly gathered her senses and parted her lips slightly, allowing admittance to the boy's tongue. By then, she was no longer passive. She teased him a little as he tried to explore her mouth, causing him to suck on her's lightly as sweet punishment. Ginny stifled a moan as they continued to taste each other in the same playful way, as if they were trying to fight for dominance._

_She wished that time wouldn't pass so fast as he released her and stepped back. She noticed that his brown eyes were filled with lust. That caused her to step back, slightly dazed. What had she been doing?_

"_Not bad," He whispered with a slight smirk, "It's a pity you're a blood traitor." With that statement, he turned to leave, leaving Ginny staring at the exit._

_What had she been doing kissing that Slytherin? And why had she actually enjoyed it? Ginny wondered for a bit as she lightly slapped herself on the face. This was Zabini, the jerk of a Slytherin who thought he was the top of the world. How could she go about kissing her 'enemies'? Speaking of enemies, Ginny was angry with the fact that he had called her a blood traitor. But she had to say that he was quite a source of entertainment. And he's a good kisser – her mind added begrudgingly._

Ginny definitely remembered the awkwardness after that. Before, everything had been so straightforward. They met, they bickered… as a way of de-stressing, now that she thought about it. She had actually enjoyed spending time quarrelling with Zabini. The idea seemed quite incredulous to her, but it was true. But then and of course, things had to become complicated. At that time, Zabini had actually been going out with Daphne… and from then on he started to avoid Ginny.

It was torturous watching Daphne and he kiss at mealtimes – the two weren't exactly very inhibited with public displays of affection. Ginny remembered the sick feeling of _jealously_ in her stomach when she threw herself at him. After all, she could remember all too well the feeling of his breath on her lips…

The thought of that caused her to be angry with Zabini – Blaise – whatever she should call him. What kind of attitude was it to kiss someone, then avoid her and start dating someone else? He seriously had some explaining to do. From that moment on, she realised that the tables were turned and suddenly, she was the one looking out for him. She tried to forget all about it. But after a week, Ginny couldn't take it anymore and cornered him when he was alone. If he couldn't be brave and take the first step, she would.

"_Zabini Blaise, you have some explaining to do," Ginny told him as she blocked him from leaving. _

_He looked at her for what seemed like the first time in days, as he answered, "What is there to explain?" _

"_You know perfectly well what I'm talking about," Ginny responded, matching his steely gaze. _

_The Slytherin looked straight at the girl as he replied, "It meant nothing at all. After all, you were the one who kissed me."_

_Ginny hadn't thought he would state it so bluntly after all the trouble he had taken to avoid her. "You were the one who deepened things and goaded me into it."_

"_That was just something to pass my time," He laughed coldly, "Girls, they think into things too much. Just one kiss and they think it's a relationship commitment. Why would I want anything to do with a blood traitor?"_

_There was silence for a moment as Ginny glared at the boy. "Y-you're despicable," She said, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible, "I don't want to talk to a git like you."_

_She turned away from him and walked away briskly. _

She had felt… hurt; which was extremely strange to her. Ginny had always prided herself on not falling head-over-heels on any boy and let whatever they said affect her. After all, she never cared when Malfoy called her a blood traitor. But it had hurt when Blaise called her that. She hated the fact that what he said had stung her.

After that, Ginny remembered trying to forget all about it. She ignored him, as he did her. She would not think about him anymore - or at least try not to. Ginny thought she had succeeded quite well, on the whole, until he brought it up again. She probably wouldn't have agreed to go out with him anyway, especially not when she had just gotten with Harry.

"_Look, I'm sorry," He said simply while she looked expectantly at her, "Do you want to go out with me?"_

"_Do you really think that sorry is enough?" Ginny asked incredulously._

"_Well, what else am I supposed to say?" He asked irritably, "You'd just tell me the same thing."_

_That was true; Ginny couldn't deny it. But, how could he have the nerve to ask her out after what he told her? She stayed silent as he continued watching her indifferently – too indifferently for her liking. Did he even care?_

"_At any rate, I'm with Harry. And I'm not like you going about kissing other girls when you have a girlfriend," She told him scathingly. _

_She turned to leave as he called to her, "Are you sure about that?"_

_She paused for a moment. No, she spent too much time fantasising about other people when she dated. People like… Zabini himself. But, he didn't need to know that. She ignored him as she walked away. Harry was much better a choice._

"_Find me if you change your mind," She heard his voice as she went away. _

Actually, now that Ginny thought about it, she realised that all this time, she still couldn't forget about Blaise, not even when she was openly dating Harry. She had been very happy, yes, but there was a part of her still hung up on what had happened. The worst part was, she couldn't even sort out her feelings.

Ginny had this nagging feeling that Harry was in fact, her second choice – the safer choice. Ginny felt really bad; it seemed that she compared everything Blaise did to Harry, just to comfort herself that Harry was in fact better. Had she much to regret in declining Blaise? It was not as if he really cared about her… A wave of uneasiness filled her as she realised how the same could be applied to herself. Blaise definitely didn't baby her like Harry did... She made up her choice there and then. She would take a risk.

Sighing heavily, Ginny Weasley finally drifted off into the realm of dreams.

* * *

I've never written them before and I can't say that I'm in love with this. Some of the memories are quite fragmented, since lots of time and events are supposed to happen between them. Let me know your thoughts, whether you think it's horrid or great, and if you want me to write this from Blaise's pov instead :)


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